Funny quotes and sayings

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ANN

http://www.great-inspirational-quotes.com/funny-sayings.html

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head.
-- Garrison Keillor 

By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it. 
-- George Burns

Consider the postage stamp, my son. It secures success through its ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.
-- Josh Billings

For some strange reason, no matter where I go, the place is always called "here".
-- Ashleigh Brilliant

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
-- David Bissonnett

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
-- Rita Rudner

The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one often comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won't.
-- Henry Ward Beecher

The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche

To solve the human equation, we need to add love, subtract hate, multiply good, and divide between truth and error.
-- Janet Coleman

Life is like an overnight bag. If you try to cram too much into it., something has got to give. 
-- Author Unknown

My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside. 
-- Roseanne Barr

Spoon feeding in the long run teaches us nothing but the shape of the spoon.
-- E.M. Forster

There's one great advantage to living to 105 - no peer pressure. 
-- Author Unknown